Everywhere you go, there is an overall thirst for human connection (duh, we're social creatures), but it is funny to observe, or to be a part of, that search. This human connection - it should happen between all humans, regardless of race, gender, or social class... or so I would think. But somehow, it isn't like that. Somehow, certain people see through each other, or they like to pretend they do. For example, here I am, a girl who is fully able to engage in conversation and build meaningful relationships, yet they poke at me, as if trying to see if I am just another stereotypical 'rich kid'... Am I that naive? to think that I was raised different by my mother? that in contrast to what people may think, I have suffered financial unrest - that even though my dad liked to pretend he had money when in the company of strangers, that I was not raised as a rich girl?
I was raised a great pretender. but now it makes me wonder if there's a certain imprint that people who have not been so fortunate as me carry about socially stable individuals. It makes me wonder if it is seen through my apparent lack of fear towards authority, or of the unknown... It makes me wonder if these individuals hold a certain knowledge or wisdom that I am, and will always be, unfamiliar with.
Their comments are daggers to my pride "you guys have it nice,"..."you Trinity kids"..."'yall have them bus passes"..."you rich kids"...
"So are you one of them rich kids from Guatemala?" as if we were some sort of alien species belonging to the exotic exhibit section at a zoo... "So you study something like Art, right?" Does being rich disassociates people with the essential value of making a living? Are only people who should actually pursue their passion those who are financially stable to start with?
They don't know what they're taking about. Rich kids are those who fly to England for the weekend just to party - those who... wait a minute. Maybe I am just as bad as they are -
What if their questions come from their fear or rejection? or from preconceived notions that "them rich kids" have n morals, spend outlandish quantities of money, do not know the true value of things, do not respect the value of truth or of friendship or of service...
Maybe it is that they are unfamiliar with the rich kids' histories - most filled with deception; one where parents lie about their problems, pretend to live a perfect life. Behind those closed doors and brick walls is a world where fear and confusion reign. All this falsity bursts indoors, as there 'rich kids' break from reality because of rape, alcoholism, perversion, psychological abuse, and disassociation and abandonment from caretakers.
Maybe it is that they both live on different worlds - pinning all their anger on each other in hopes that that 'perfect' image of life does exist somewhere far away... A way to invest their gold in someone else other than themselves - a way to dwell on self-pity instead of taking responsibility for their own life's direction....
And so it continues - just one more hour before the clock strikes and I am off... Will I be able to take it? Damn - it's been five minutes...
The waiter has reached out to me... and maybe he is right - maybe this is jail and The Boss is the guard. But I have learned not to get too close too fast. And I remind myself not to feel afraid, because I have been a part of both worlds - can play on both sides of the electric fence...
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